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26 February 2007
My New Archnemesis
Long time Logopolis readers know that I don't tend to go the livejournal route in my posting, but I'm going to take a break from celebrity haiku and pop culture commentary to rant a little about something personal, because if I don't, I might kill somebody, and you'd miss me if I was gone.
To be fair, I don't know her name either.
I disliked the woman with whom I share a cubicle wall nearly immediately. I felt guilty about this because it was based solely on her appearance (stumpy), her voice (nasally), her employee status (an underused, seemingly lazy contractor -- a glass house at which I can cast no stones) and her shameless love of on-line sudoku (I've shared that too -- though not quite so obviously while I was "on the clock").
But about a month ago, I got over this guilt when I overheard her complaining about how she had to switch train cars one morning on the way to work because the smell was so bad. Normally, I'd let this one go -- but on eavesdropping a little bit more, I discovered that it wasn't urine, body odor or vomit that drove her from her public transport option. It was all the people drinking coffee. The smell of coffee makes her sick to her stomach so she had to take the next train.
After I got over the initial WTF, for about a second, I was going to stop drinking from my Thermos at my desk but then decided that if she was using this excuse because she was late for work, it was too lame to be acknowledged and if she was passive-aggressively trying to send me a message regarding my Starbucks habit, she was going to have to learn my name and ask me to drink my latte elsewhere.
To be fair, I don't know her name either. But since we don't interact enough to know each other's names, the fact that she's a minor psycho wasn't really a worry for me. And my more shallow reasons for not liking her are easily avoidable. I don't have to look at her when I walk past, and if she talks too much when I'm at my desk -- which is rare anyway -- I can put on headphones and listen to a CD.
However, my CD selection at work isn't so expansive, and I've been at my desk all day today. So of course, this is the day she decides to catch up over the phone with a friend to whom she hasn't spoken for months.
First off, I hear bits of why she left her last job -- jerky boss, asshole, blah, blah, blah. Don't care except to say that it's totally not appropriate conversation to be having at your NEW job.
Then, we flash forward through the interesting bits about how when she and her husband moved to Chicago, she couldn't get a job, and then she got a great gig in DC that paid her lots more money than I make, but she had to leave it after just a couple of weeks because "the people sucked."
The salary detail -- which, of course, I shouldn't have ever heard -- solidified my hatred of her, but other than that, this part of the story would seem unimportant, except for the fact that while she was in DC (sans husband), she managed to get knocked up (her words, not mine).
Turns out she didn't realize it for a couple of months (because she's never been "exactly regular" -- again, that's her turn of phrase). So she spends months stressed, jobless, going back to her old doctor in Peoria (many hours away by the way), being told that because of some sort of condition she has to be careful with the baby, but also not telling her husband that she's pregnant. Eventually, she gets sick and loses the baby, much to her relief.
And this is craziest story I overheard her tell today. I'll post the follow-up later, but let's just say I'm definitely buying an iPod with my next paycheck.
Scooter News
A juror was dismissed from the trial of former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby on Monday after court officials learned she had been exposed to information about the case over the weekend. (From CNN)
Seriously, can't we fine this woman for contempt? I mean, she was supposed to avoid news about this case, yet she found stuff she wasn't supposed to see. I actually care about this story (a little), and between the Oscars and the Anna Nicole Spears coverage, I couldn't have found information about this case with Google and a new pair of glasses.
25 February 2007
2007 Oscar Liveblogging Hour 3
9:31 Oops, they only got to show the Foreign Language film montage, not give away the actual award. Diss.
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
After the Wedding (Denmark)
Days of Glory / Indigènes (Algeria)
The Lives of Others (Germany)
Pan's Labyrinth, Mexico
Water, Canada
Prediction: Pan's Labyrinth
Winner: The Lives of Others (10/13) Shocker!
Ellen mocks the shadow dancers. They become snakes and eat her. Awesome.
9:35 George Clooney looks dashing tonight. No, really.
ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Adriana Barraza, Babel
Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls
Rinko Kikuchi, Babel
Prediction: Jennifer Hudson
Winner: Jennifer Hudson.... bite that American Idol. God obviously loves her much more than he loves Eddie Murphy. Even God hated Norbit. (11/14)
9:46 Babel gets its montage. Brad Pitt is even more noticeable in his absence. But who needs his cuteness with Gael García Bernal around?
DOCUMENTARY SHORT
"The Blood of Yingzhou District"
"Recycled Life"
"Rehearsing a Dream"
"Two Hands"
Prediction: "The Blood of Yingzhou District" because its first.
Winner: "The Blood of Yingzhou District" -- yay for the guess. (12/15)
9:52 Jerry Seinfeld reminds us that he's actually funny honoring "these five incredibly depressing movies."
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Deliver Us from Evil
An Inconvenient Truth
Iraq in Fragments
Jesus Camp
Prediction: An Inconvenient Truth
Winner: An Inconvenient Truth (13/16)
9:55 Funny to have registered Republican Clint Eastwood follow Al Gore, don't you think?
10:00 Celene wins my personal award for changing her dress before she performed.
10:05 I really should have used this time to take a piss, but instead I wrote a haiku:
Lifetime award for
biggest bore... I mean best scores.
Clint speaks Italian?
10:09 Did they just call Hugh Jackman the Volverine? Oh yes, they did.
ORIGINAL SCORE
Babel
The Good German
Notes on a Scandal
Pan's Labyrinth
The Queen
Prediction: Pan's Labyrinth though I've heard of Phillip Glass.
Winner: Babel. Yikes, please don't tell me it's going to Crash into a winning streak (13/17)
10:14 "Please welcome Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire." Awkward. How are these two exes going to make another movie together when they can barely give out an award?
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Babel
Letters from Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
Pan's Labyrinth
The Queen
Prediction: Little Miss Sunshine
Winner: Little Miss Sunshine (14/18)
10:21 The announcer lets us know that J.Lo is an excellent reason to have Hi-Def (because you can't see that ass without it?) -- unlike poor Cameron Diaz.
10:28 The Dreamgirls finally perform -- it's the whitest black music ever and STILL the crowd looks uncomfortable. Well done Beyonce -- you got sung off the stage but you didn't go down without a fight.
2007 Oscar Liveblogging Hour 2
8:30 It just doesn't seem like an Oscar telecast until Randy Newman makes me puke in my mouth a little.
8:33 Melissa Etheridge comes out immediately following. It's weird that they're putting two songs back to back. Probably because they're lumping all the Dreamgirls together.
8:36 I'm glad that Al didn't announce his candidacy tonight. But joking about it may have made him the Democratic front-runner again.
8:39 "And coming up, a one-time special reunion of the Dreamgirls" because Beyonce is never going to get near that award-stealing bitch again.
8:42 Jack seems really amused by Ellen recycling Gilligan's Island jokes...who knew?
ANIMATED FEATURE
Cars
Happy Feet
Monster House
Prediction: Happy Feet
Winner: Happy Feet, thanks Andy (6/8 = 75%)
8:45 Hearing the phrase "Academy Award winning screenwriter Ben Affleck" makes wannabe screenplay artists completely unable to enjoy the tribute to the writing process -- even if it does start out with Sunset Boulevard. (Any writer who tells you that they don't dream of that happening to them -- complete with getting shot into the pool -- is a LIAR!)
You know, I've never typed "THE END" at the end of a script or story. Maybe that's my problem.
8:49 Tom Hanks makes a writers as a 12 steppers joke? Nicole Kidman probably doesn't laugh.
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Children of Men
The Departed
Little Children
Notes on a Scandal
Prediction: Want it to be Children of Men, just because it's the other movie I've actually seen but am sure it's The Departed.
Winner: The Departed (7/9 = 78%)
8:53 Screenplay writer makes Valium joke, making Hanks's earlier joke actually relevant.
9:00 Ellen resorts to prop comedy. Awesome.
9:01 Meryl Streep can even sell bad Oscar banter in a supporting role. Genius.
COSTUME DESIGN
Curse of the Golden Flower
The Devil Wears Prada
Dreamgirls
Marie Antoinette
The Queen
Prediction: If not Dreamgirls, now then when? But I'm going to with Marie Antoinette since I've actually seen it and I really want it to win something.
Winner: Marie Antoinette gets candy. (8/10 = 80%)
9:08 Tom Cruise shows up looking none the worse for wear after getting beat up backstage by a drunk Keith Urban.
9:14 Ellen directs Steven Spielberg while he takes a picture of her and Clint Eastwood. God I love her, even if she did change into a Mr. Roarke outfit.
CINEMATOGRAPHY
The Black Dahlia
Children of Men
The Illusionist
Pan's Labyrinth
The Prestige
Prediction: Pan's Labyrinth even though Children of Men was better.
Winner: Pan's Labyrinth in a sweep so far -- looks like it's going to win the Best Foreign Languange film, eh? (9/11 = 82%)
9:22 Robert Downey Jr. makes a strung out on drug jokes. See, Ellen's self-deprecation is AWESOME and spreading.
VISUAL EFFECTS
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Poseidon
Superman Returns
Prediction: Superman Returns
Winner: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (10/12)
Winners make joke referencing Ellen's monologue. Well done.
9:25 Catherine Denueve and Ken Wantanabe - must be Best Foreign Language Film time.
2007 Oscar Liveblogging Hour 1
7:35 That was the best My Card, My American Express commercial ever. Oh, that was the opening. Actually, it was pretty cute, in a self-depricating Ellen Degeneres sort of way. Good thing she's the host.
7:36 Please be wearing a dress, please be wearing a dress. Oh, she's not even wearing a bra.
Actually Ellen gave me a shoutout by wearing the Third Doctor's smoking jacket.
7:41 Jack Nicholson soon to be playing Daddy Warbucks in Annie 2.
7:42 Jennifer Hudson took off the jacket. And Ellen breaks out the "America voted for Al Gore" joke first. Double yay!
7:45 God Daniel Craig is hot.
ART DIRECTION
Dreamgirls
The Good Shepherd
Pan's Labyrinth
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
The Prestige
Prediction
Pan's Labyrinth should win. I'm afraid Dreamgirls might but I'm going with Pan's.
Winner
Pan's Labyrinth. I'm 100%. I should quit now.
7:49 Isn't it great how they always have hot girls that nerds love (like Maggie Gyllenhaal) host the technical awards brunch? It's so kind of them.
7:51 Imagine -- the iPhone commercial makes me want one EVEN MORE!
7:56 Thank you Wil Ferrell and Jack Black (and John C. Reilly) for an extraneous musical number that was fairly awesome. But how many more jokes can we make about banging Helen Mirren?
MAKEUP
Apocalypto
Click
Pan's Labyrinth
Prediction: Pan's Labyrinth.
Winner: Pan's Labyrinth
Apparently, all it takes to win these things is to be the only nominated movie we've actually seen.
SHORT FILM - ANIMATED
"The Danish Poet"
"Lifted"
"The Little Matchgirl"
"Maestro"
"No Time for Nuts"
Prediction:"Maestro"?
Winner: "The Danish Poet"
2/3 = 66% Is it all downhill for Mike "The Greek" from here?
With Little Miss Sunshine and Little Master Pinkett-Smith up there, I wonder if Dakota Fanning is sitting at home, scowling and saying "At least I could read the prompter! And are you bitches gonna get raped on screen? Didn't think so."
SHORT FILM - LIVE ACTION
"Binta and the Great Idea (Binta Y La Gran Idea)"
"Éramos Pocos (One Too Many)"
"Helmer & Son"
"The Saviour"
"West Bank Story"
Prediction: "West Bank Story." They've got to give something to the musicals, right? And the Academy loves the Jews, right?
Winner: "West Bank Story." 3/4 = 75%.
8:06 First Best Picture montage - Letters from Iwo Jima. Good thing Clint Eastwood is apparently good at making the movies, because he's so damned boring when he talks about them.
8:13 Bold move going with two jokes involving choirs in the first hour. Neither went over particularly well.
Though I always find the "pissing off the sound editor so he shuts off your mic" bit to be amusing...
SOUND EDITING
Apocalypto
Blood Diamond
Flags of Our Fathers
Letters from Iwo Jima
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Prediction: Nominating the same guys for Flags and Letters? Talk about splitting the vote. But I'm going to go with Letters
Winner: Letters from Iwo Jima
(4/5 = 80%)
8:18
SOUND MIXING
Apocalypto
Blood Diamond
Dreamgirls
Flags of Our Fathers
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Prediction: Dreamgirls -- it's hard to do sound mixing in a movie that actually has mixing boards as props, right?
Winner: Dreamgirls
5/6 = 83%
God, liveblogging is hard because I really have to pee.
8:21 And I can't even leave because I they are finally giving out an important award.
ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine
Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children
Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond
Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Mark Wahlberg, The Departed
Prediction: Jackie Earle Haley in the upset of the night.
Winner: Alan Arkin in the upset of the night. (5/7 = 71%)
I think it's going to be one of those years where they give it to the old people.
Could this be an early tell that Little Miss Sunshine will pull out the Best Picture upset?
8:27 Shadow penguins are awesome!
8:29 The Departed manages to look like a much better picture in its montage, but it might just be the musical choice and the fact that Mark Wahlberg is so dreamy.
2007 Oscar Liveblogging ABC Pre-Show
7:03 Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts and don't get ready together at the same location, even though they are totally Aussie BFFs. "You two look beautiful," says Lisa Ling. And you look like a cheap Asian whore.
7:05 So we can blame Oscar de la Renta for Jennifer Hudson's monstrosity. Bastard. They keep calling her the new people's princess. Diana, Anna Nicole, Jennifer...hmmm okay. KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!
7:25 Okay, random dress commentary. Celene Dion's didn't fit. Nicole Kidman's bow should have been cut off. Penelope Cruz looked beautiful from waist up; the feathers at the bottom were horrible. Helen Mirren shows how old ladies should dress while Meryl Streep looks matronly even though she's nominated for The Devil Wears Prada. Reese Witherspoon even looks gorgeous without Ryan Phillipe on her arm.
7:27 Why can't they show the history of Oscar fashion during the show? That would interest people more than most of the show. In fact, they should have those models giving out the tech awards. That would be awesome.
7:28 Real show is starting...gotta pee. Did Brad and Angelina have somewhere else to be tonight?
2007 Oscar Liveblogging Pre-Show
Tonight I'm liveblogging the Oscars because I'm rocking out like it's 2002 or something.
5:14: We're flipping between TV Guide Channel and E! Joan is funny, working her red fur (What poor and unfortunate creature had to die for you to wear that? My Aunt Trudy...) Seacrest is annoying. That's all for now.
5:18; Andy: "Maggie Gyllenhaal is so pretty. She does look like your friend Julie. Though I don't think I like the feathers in her hair."
5:19 "Who's James McAvoy?" Mike: "I don't know." http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0564215/
5:22 "It's Reba! No it's Jodie Foster looking like Reba.
5:23 Portia looks gorgeous! Thank God. Because it means nothing to have a lesbian hosting the Academy Awards if her girlfriend shows up looking like crap.
5:32 Oh no, Catherine Deneuve finally got old and fat. Apparently The Hunger caught up with her.
5:33 Joan calls it "Little Mary Sunshine." Yay.
5:37 Joan on Maggie's feathers: "How many pigeons had to die for that?" (Apparently, Joan is telepathically stealing my jokes from above.) Maggie: "You don't have to kill them, just pluck them."
5:38 Ryan Seacrest to Al Gore: "Who would you cast as Al Gore in the The Al Gore Story?" Al Gore: "William Hung." Gore/Obama 2008 baby!
5:40 J.Lo goes with the empire waist to show off her tits rather than her ass.
5:46 Joan has just interviewed some Indian women about saris and the producer of An Inconvenient Truth about her biodegradable gown. Yet we're still more upset about Jennifer Hudson's jacket and her putting her hands in the pockets of her gown. And I'm telling you, I hope she wears something else when she performs.
5:50 Jennifer Lopez and Marc Antony love sitting at home watching American Idol. Like all fags and their hags.
5:51 Jessica Biel is apparently auditioning for the role of Pinky Tuscadaro on Grease You're the One That I Want even though Pinky Tuscadaro isn't in Grease.
6:00 Jackie Earl Haley shows up. You know, I just realized he's been inspiring child molesters -- either as child or molester -- across the decades. How charming.
6:09 John Travolta tells Joan he has an expression: "He's too blessed to be stressed." Especially because his wife doesn't know how to dress. See, I can rhyme too.
6:10 Seriously, I think Jodie's Reba hair is going to kill Andy.
6:17 Ryan Seacrest shows off his Calvins as Helen Mirren approaches from the back. Least erotic most gay moment EVER.
6:20 Apparently the John Waters mustache is a good idea. (Forest Whittaker) Oh look it's Borat - hot!
6:52 Faye Dunaway looks like Catherine Denueve should look. And more and more like Joan Crawford.
6:59 Finally able to switch to ABC. Sorry Barbara Walters.
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